Recovery

Friday 15th Nov 2024


  • Why is it so difficult to recover?
  • Even though, I am back on Insta, started talking to some friends, followed few advises by Bhawna and gave my best to avoid depression by leaving coding, watching anime and joining a gym. Still…

  • Although it feels way better to do things on your own but this is what I was not.
  • Once I asked,
  • “Should I really be independent in everything?”
  • “Of course, you should” she replied
  • “Hm.. then it surely will be dangerous”

  • It was never a joke as I rarely needed help. It’s often enough to just hear, “Ravi, you can do it!”, in return of the websites I created, career guidance, solutions to technical problems, financial aids and blah blah. But when I call, huh… they don’t pick. Anyway, I had to follow her advice. Thanks to the incidents that happened…

  • I know it’s going to be a depressing page, despite of writing all this in a pleasing holiday from ITI, other than weekends.
  • So what has changed yet?
  • I left FEA. Although I did it gradually so that no one misses me. However facilitator are not in this category (obviously they are not AJ). First, I visited some sessions, then I visited a few days giving reasons of exams and finally left it as soon as I finished my last novel in FEA, how I taught my grandmother how to write, by Sudha Murti. Amid I made friends like Sanjana (from session 5). She is humorous, good in editing and riding a scooty as well. I believed her riding skills only after a few days. Why? Don’t ask me… ask Instagram. We along with Priya used to visit Rajmandir for peanut butter (and here I learned grocery shopping). Sometimes this friend circle of 4 to 5 (only me as a boy) used to visit Iskon and Vegas. (Yup… the same Vegas Mall where me and Sankar visited to have our home made lunch). Here, we even discovered driving cars for free… of course remote control. Hm… at the end they are gone. I still remember the days, when Sanjana had typhoid in BhagatChandra Hospital and I used to visit her, acting as Priya’s brother. Her experience there made me realise that AIIMS is way much better than the money sucking private hospitals.

  • Now, let’s come to college! Huh… not college actually. Even ITI isn’t a school. I consider it a mixture, a mixture of cons not pros. Anyway, talking about DDUC, I haven’t even visited there for my degree. I even don’t mention Chemistry Hons these days, what’s the use? It just works by saying “I’m graduate” and giving my mark sheet. I am just waiting for Sankar to clear his backs so we go together for the last time.
  • In ITI, my classmates got to know me by surface. It’s not by asking but guessing, Kajal being the expert, this is why I call her “Ms 70%”. Yesterday, she played with her full potential, i.e. being an Astrologer. So I asked…
  • “Tell me about her in my past, if there was any” I showed my hand
  • “Yes, there is, her name starts with letter A”
  • “What the fuck!” I would speak in mind, my eyes in surprise.
  • After a few more hands and ignoring my horoscopes, I asked again.
  • “Tell me, if there is someone in present to whom I like, if there is any?”
  • “Yes, there is”
  • “Ok… in ITI?”
  • “Yes…” she said smiling
  • “In our class?”
  • “Yes…” she said smiling or blushing?
  • “Ok…” I ended
  • I didn’t continue, until the teacher started dictating words and me flirting with each word.
  • Teacher : “Sweet-smelling”
  • Me : “Who is that sweet-smelling?… i mean sweet”
  • …
  • She : “Are you in your senses?” She said blushing
  • Me : “I am in your senses….” I replied
  • We were both whispering in English, laughing and getting serious to dictation every moment, as per the teacher’s glare. Despite all these, my mistakes reduced 25 to 6 and her mistakes less than mine.
  • Though I tried hard, to pull the girl’s name she had doubt on and waiting for…
  • “Will she take her own name?” In mind
  • And I don’t actually believe if she had really said…
  • “I am sweet” amid the low pitch conversation.

  • Anyway… it’s obvious that I am hiding about me from the very beginning. Simply because, I don’t trust, not just Kajal or these ITI guys but anyone. Also it’s too late. Too late to think that I lost friends like Lalit, Aditya or Swati because of trust or I lost trust because of them.

  • Finally, I like it and I won’t recover.
  • Again, thanks to the incidents that happened :)

  • To be continued…

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